Labor Day has come and gone, and prevailing wisdom dictates that we winterize our pools and start dreaming about next summer. A sad realization, I know, but it’s time to take down the tiki-torches, fold up the lawn chairs and put away the swimmies, floaties, noodles and inflatable toys. Closing the pool is a sad if not somewhat depressing process, but at least we can think about some new and exciting wrinkles for next year. How can we make the 2014 pool season better than the 2013 pool season? Will we splurge on some poolside loungers? Or will we build decks or pimp our patios? I’m going with the loungers, and I’m finally going to replace the We Don’t Swim in Your Toilet. Don’t Pee in Our Pool. sign that’s been flanking my above-grounder for the last fifteen years. Yep, next year I’m putting a new funny or whimsical yet passive-aggressive directive on the old pump-house. I’ve been scouring the ‘Net for a new gem but thus far my “Googling” has been disappointing, as I’ve only come across the same old signs that have been peddled for decades. And I’m not talking about the signs that begin with the word “NO,” such as NO RUNNING, NO DIVING, etc. You know the ones I mean:
- Welcome to our “OOL.” Notice there’s no “P” in it. Let’s keep it that way!
- We don’t skinny dip, we chunky dunk!
- Swim at your own risk, Life Guard on beer break.
- Rules: You’re not allowed to do ANYTHING that begins with the words “Hey Y’all, watch this!”
- Underwater smoking prohibited
- Swim at your own risk. There, now we’re not even legally obligated to retrieve your body with the pool skimmer.
- God Bless our pool, it’s our only liquid asset.
- Swimsuits optional
Some of these are timeless classics but come on… the bloom is off the rose! Where are the rule-abiding authors of the new millennium? Are there no other ways to publically rail against pool urination, or passive-aggressively relay the rules we hold dear? I pose a challenge to the swimming pool blogosphere:
Craft some whimsical yet passive-aggressive, funny, stern or inspirational copy that can be emblazoned on a new generation of pool signs.
I admit this is not a simple challenge, but perhaps igniting the creative process will warm you to the idea of chilly weather and aid in your winterization?